Jokes about Husband and Wife

DIVORCE

A husband and wife were having a fine dining experience at their exclusive country club when this stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away.

His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that?!"

"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."

"Well that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce. I am going to hire the most aggressive, meanest divorce lawyer I can find and make your life miserable."

"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more wintering in Key West, or the Caribbean, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Cadillac STS in the garage, and no more country club, and we'll have to sell the 26-room house and move to two smaller homes, but the decision is yours."

Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

"Who's that with Jim?" asks the wife.

"That's his mistress," says her husband.

She replies, "Ours is prettier."

YOUR HORSE CALLED UP!

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.

"What was that for?" the man asked.

The wife replied, "That was for the piece of paper with the name Julie on it that I found in your pants pocket".

The man then said, "When I was at the races last week, Julie was the name of the horse I bet on."

The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later, the man is watching TV when his wife bashed him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.

Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.

Wife replied. "Your horse called up!!!!"