One Liner Jokes

Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in Kitchen, Artist in Home & Devil in Bed.
But they get Artist in Kitchen, Devil in Home & Economist in Bed.

What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

Mother: So, you want to become my son-in-law?
Boy: Not really, but I don't see any other way to marry your daughter.

There is a sign in the toilet of the Sex Change Clinic. It reads: We may Never piss this way again.

Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

Q: What's the difference between mother & wife?
A: One woman brings into the world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.

Boss: I'll give you 3000 per month and in three months, I'll raise it to 6000. So when would you like to start? Santa: In 3 months.

A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks to his wife about thirty-seven minutes each week. Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take to say Uh-huh or Yes Dear or I'm sorry?

Pilot asking permission to land said, “Guess who?”
Controller switches the field lights off and replied, “Guess where!”

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two or more makes you are a referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.

[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.

[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!

[22] Man: Is there any way for long life? Dr: Get married. Man: Will it help? Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.

[23] Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

[24] Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

[25] It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

[26] There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

[27] There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it.......!!!