Gifts for Men

The Blogger received the following emails from his two e-buddies (namely Mdm. Josephine Wong & Dr. JB Lim) and, finding them interesting, decided to post them into this blog to share with readers.

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Please take the comments from the great Sifu Dr. Lim with good humour, LADIES, as we are peace-loving men after all, hahaha!

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On Fri, Nov 19, 2010 at 4:05 PM, Josephine Wong wrote:

Dear e buddies,

Christmas is round the corner, ever had problems with the gifts your gf/wife gave you for special day?

Buying gifts for men is not nearly as complicated as it is for women. Follow these rules and you should have no problems.

Rule #1: When in doubt - buy him a cordless drill.
It does not matter if he already has one. I have a friend who owns 17 and he has yet to complain. As a man, you can never have too many cordless drills. No one knows why.

Rule #2: If you cannot afford a cordless drill, buy him anything with the word ratchet or socket in it.
Men love saying those two words. "Hey George, can I borrow your ratchet?" "OK. Bye-the-way, are you through with my 3/8-inch socket yet?" Again, no one knows why.

Rule #3: If you are really, really broke, buy him anything for his car.
A 99-cent ice scraper, a small bottle of deicer or something to hang from his rear view mirror. Men love gifts for their cars. No one knows why.

Rule #4: Do not buy men socks. Do not buy men ties. And never buy men bathrobes.
I was told that if God had wanted men to wear bathrobes, he wouldn't have invented Jockey shorts.

Rule #5: You can buy men new remote controls to replace the ones they have worn out.
If you have a lot of money buy your man a big-screen TV with the little picture in the corner.
Watch him go wild as he flips, and flips, and flips.

Rule #6: Do not buy a man any of those fancy liqueurs.
If you do, it will sit in a cupboard for 23 years. Real men drink whiskey or beer.

Rule #7: Do not buy any man industrial-sized canisters of after shave or deodorant.
I'm told they do not stink - they are earthy.

Rule #8: Buy men label makers.
Almost as good as cordless drills. Within a couple of weeks there will be labels absolutely everywhere.
"Socks. Shorts. Cups. Saucers. Door. Lock. Sink." You get the idea. No one knows why.

Rule #9: Never buy a man anything that says "some assembly required" on the box.
It will ruin his Special Day and he will always have parts left over.

Rule #10: Good places to shop for men include Northwest Iron Works, Parr Lumber, Home Depot, John Deere, Valley RV Center, and Les Schwab Tire. NAPA Auto Parts and Sear's Clearance Centers are also excellent men's stores.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't know what it is. "From NAPA Auto, eh? Must be something I need. Hey! Isn't this a starter for a '68 Ford Fairlane? Wow!Thanks."

Rule #11: Men enjoy danger.
That's why they never cook - but they will barbecue. Get him a monster barbecue with a 100-pound propane tank. Tell him the gas line leaks. "Oh the thrill! The challenge! Who wants a hamburger?"

Rule #12: Tickets to a Red Wing/Lions/Pistons/Tigers game are a smart gift.
However, he will not appreciate tickets to "A Retrospective of 19th Century Quilts." Everyone knows why.

Rule #13: Men love chain saws.
Never, ever, buy a man you love a chain saw. If you don't know why - please refer to Rule #8 and what happens when he gets a label maker.

Rule #14: It's hard to beat a really good wheelbarrow or an aluminum extension ladder.
Never buy a real man a step ladder. It must be an extension ladder. No one knows why.

Rule #15: Rope.
Men love rope. It takes us back to our cowboy origins, or at least The Boy Scouts. Nothing says love like a hundred feet of 3/8" manilla rope. No one knows why.

Happy shopping for the weekend......

best regards always
Josephine Wong
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From: JB Lim
Date: Sat, Nov 20, 2010 at 6:44 PM
To: Josephine Wong

Let me tell you this to all the women.

The most hallowed gift a woman can ever, ever give to a man is for her to shut up, and keep her mouth completely shut all the time. Please stop nagging and complaining all day long. Men don’t want to hear noises. They just want to be left alone in peace, live quietly, enjoy their hobbies, and are left alone. That‘s all we want.

This is the best, the most treasured, and the most peaceful gift a woman can give to any man, especially to husbands. Just keep quiet will you, and stop complaining, nagging and demanding.

The list of gifts here are as rubbish as her big and chicken anus mouth.

A peaceful and quiet man

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(Dr. JB Lim)

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On Sat, Nov 20, 2010 at 8:30 PM, Tai Onn Lau wrote:

Hi Doc,

I am in 100% support of you for what you have expressed in your mail to us.

To us men, Silence is Golden!

Enjoy this evergreen oldie song:



Oh don't it hurt deep inside
To see someone do something to her
Oh don't it pain to see someone cry
How especially if that someone is her

Silence is golden, but my eyes still see
Silence is golden, golden, but my eyes still see

Talking is cheap people follow like sheep
Even though there is no where to go
How could she tell he decieved her so well
Pity she'll be the last one to know

How many times will she fall for his lines
Should I tell her or should I be cool
And if I tried I know she'd say I lied
Mind your business don't hurt her you fool

Silence is golden, but my eyes still see
Silence is golden, golden, but my eyes still see

To all male e-buddies, have a peaceful weekend with SILENCE from our wives or girlfriends.

To all female e-buddies, please do your husbands or boyfriends a favour by following what Dr JB Lim suggested.

Ha Ha Ha..............

T.O. Lau
20/11/2010
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On Sat, Nov 20, 2010 at 9:55 PM, JB Lim wrote:

Dear Ir. TO Lau,

Thanks for sharing the same thoughts.

Before marriage men were blinded by sweet talks but after marriage we wish we were deaf from noises. If only women can be muted and dumb after marriage.

jb
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Sunday, 21 November, 2010 1:54 AM
From: Josephine Wong

Dear Dr. JB Lim & Ir. TO Lau,

As a lady i do not dispute what you gentlemen had voiced out and i sincerely hope it does not happen in your loving home.

cheers
jo