Jokes on Priest

The Priest and the Archbishop

A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don’t know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.

The doctor says to the woman,“I know what we’ll do. After I’ve operated on the priest, I’ll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle.”

“Do you think it will work?” she asks.

“It’s worth a try.” he says. So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest.

After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, “Father, you’re not going to believe this.”

“What?” asks the priest, “what happened?”.

“You gave birth to a child!”.

“But that’s impossible!” says the priest.

“I just did the operation,” insists the doctor, “it’s a miracle! Here’s your baby.”

About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says, “Son, I have something to tell you. I’m not your father.”

The son says,“What do you mean, you’re not my father?”

The priest replies,“I am your mother. The archbishop is your father.”
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Italian man making confession

The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.

“Of course, my son,” said the priest.

“Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans; I hid her in my attic, and they never found her.”

“That’s a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess,” said the priest.

.

“It’s worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors,” continued the old man.

“Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk – you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly,” said the priest.

“Thanks, Father,” said the old man. “That’s a load off of my mind. Can
I ask another question?”

“Of course, my son,” said the priest.

The old man asked, “Do I need to tell her that the war is over?”
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A Marriage Made In Heaven

One rainy Sunday afternoon, a young couple were on their way to their Church to get married. On the way there, their car lost control and slammed into a telephone pole – killing them both instantly.

The couple soon found themselves standing in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, welcoming them to Heaven.

The young woman asks Peter if they could get married in Heaven, since their time on Earth was cut short. He replies that he’ll get back with them on that request.

A month later, St. Peter finds them and announces that they can – in fact – get married in Heaven.

To his surprise, the woman asks, “Just wondering, if things don’t work out will we be able to get a divorce?”

With a stern look in his eye, Peter blurts out, “Look lady, it took me a month to find a preacher up here… you really think I’m gonna find a lawyer?”

(Courtesy of forwarded mail from Tan Seng Khoon)