Funny One-Liners

The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.

Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Archaeologist: someone whose career lies in ruins.

An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: The older she gets, the more interested he becomes in her.

There are two kinds of people who don't say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot.

They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who's in a hurry?

Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.

One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

There was a man who said, “I never knew what happiness was until I got married and then it was too late.”

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.

(Courtesy of forwarded mail from Pastor David Chen)