I Love My Wife (Jokes)

Bloody English
"Hi, what r u doing, Darling?"

Wife: “I'm dying...”

Husband jumps with joy but types: "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"

Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair…."

Husband: "Bloody English Language!"

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Angry wife to her husband 0n Phone:

"Where d Hell Are You?"

Husband: “Darling, You Remember That Jewellery Shop Where You Saw The Diamond Necklace n Totally Fell In Love With It n I Didn't Have Money That Time n I said ‘Baby It'll Be Yours 1 Day’?”

Wife, With A Smile & Blushing: “Yeah, I Remember That, My Love!”

Husband: "I ‘m in the Pub Just Next To That Shop."

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A Special Package for Business Men.

An Airline Introduced A Special Package For Business Men.

Buy Ur Ticket Get Ur Wife's Ticket Free.

After Great Success, The Company Sent Letters To All The Wives Asking How Was The Trip.

All Of Them Gave A Same Reply: "Which Trip?"

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New SIM to surprise her husband

Woman Buys A New Sim Card, Puts It In Her Phone And Decides To Surprise Her Husband Who Is Seated On The Couch In The Living Room.

She Goes To The Kitchen, Calls Her Husband With The New Number:

"Hello, Darling!"

The Husband Responds In A Low Tone:

“Let Me Call U Back Later Honey, The Dumb Lady Is In The Kitchen.”

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Wife treats husband

A Wife Treats Hubby By Taking Him To A Lap Dance Club For His Birthday.

At The Club: Doorman Says: “Hi Jim, How R You?”

Wife Asks: “How Does He Know You?”

Jim Says: “Oh Dear, I Play Football with Him.”

Inside Barman Says: “The Usual, Jim?”

Jim Says To Wife: “Before You Say Anything, He's On the Darts Team in My Local.”

Next A Lap Dancer Says: “Hi, Jim.”

“Do You Crave Special Again?”

The Wife Storms Out Dragging Jim With Her & Jumps Into A Taxi.

Driver Says "Hey, Jimmy Boy, You Picked Up An Ugly One This Time."

Jim's Funeral Is On Sunday.

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Lion bounced on wife

In an African Safari, A LION suddenly bounced on Santa's wife.

WIFE: “Shoot him! Shoot him!”

SANTA: “Yes, Yes. I'm changing d battery of my camera.”

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Throwing knives on wife's picture

Husband was throwing knives on wife’s picture.

All were missing the target!

Suddenly he received call from her: "Hi, what r u doing?"

His honest reply, "MISSING U!"

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I will think about it

When a married man says "I'll think about it",

What he really means that,

He doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.

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Habit of talking in sleep

A Lady to Doctor: “My husband has habit of talking in sleep! What should I give him to cure?”

Dr: “Give him an Opportunity to speak when he is awake.”

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Part & Art of living

Having "WIFE" Is A Part Of Living.

But Having "GIRLFRIEND" Along With The "WIFE" Is Art Of Living.

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Head & Neck of the family

It is said that Husband is the head of the family,

but remember that Wife is the Neck of the family

& the Neck can turn the Head exactly the way she wants.

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Dinner

Wife: Do you want dinner?

Husband: Sure, what are my choices?

Wife: Yes and no.

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What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?

A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying,

& the other ensures U Continue to do so.

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To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire

Interviewer to Millionaire: “To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?”

Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."

Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.  What were you before you married her?"

Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

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Do you know the meaning of WIFE?

Husband asks: “Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means ‘Without Information Fighting Everytime’!”

WIFE says: No darling, it means: ‘With Idiot For Ever’.”

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Wife wish 2 be a newspaper

Wife: “I wish I was a newspaper so I would be in ur hands all day.”

Husband: “I too wish that u were a newspaper so I could have a new one every day.”

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WIFE IS DANGEROUS

LOVE IS LIFE

LIFE IS WIFE

WIFE IS KNIFE and

KNIFE IS DANGEROUS

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What if you don't see me for 2 days?

A man came home late at night after a party.

His wife yelled: "How would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"

The man couldn’t believe his luck: 'That would be great!'

Monday passed and he didn’t see her......

Tuesday and Wednesday passed too.....

On Thursday his swelling became better

And now he could see her from the corner of one eye.

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NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN

Nobody teaches Volcanoes to erupt,

Tsunamis to devastate,

Hurricanes to sway around

& no one teaches How to choose a Wife.

NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN.

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Husband to a newly wed wife

Husband to a newly wed wife: “I could go to the end of the world for you.”

Wife: “Thanks, but promise me you will stay there for the rest of your life.”

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(Courtesy of forwarded mail from C.K. Cheong)