Irish Funerals (Jokes)

Paddy died. His will provided £40,000 for an elaborate funeral.

As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Colleen turned to her oldest and dearest friend.

"Ah well, Paddy would be pleased," she said.

"You're right," replied Mary, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.

"So go on, how much did this really cost?'"

"All of it," said Colleen. "Forty thousand."

"Aw No!" Mary exclaimed, "I mean, it was very grand, but £40,000?!!!"

Colleen answered, "The funeral was £6,500. I donated £500 to church. The whisky, wine and snacks were another £500.

The rest went for the Memorial Stone."

Mary computed quickly.

"For the love of God Colleen, £32,500 for a Memorial Stone?

How big is it?"

.

.

. ....

Got to love the Irish

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A black hearse was followed by a second black hearse about 50 Feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a lead. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said:

"I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"

"My wife's."

''What happened to her?"

"She yelled at me and my dog attacked and killed her."

He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"

The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

A very poignant and touching moment of brotherhood and silence passed between the two men.

"Can I borrow the dog?"

The man replied, "Get in line."

(Courtesy of forwarded mail from Annie Lee)