British English vs Malaysian English

Who says our English is teruk? Just read below - Ours is simple, short, concise, straight-to-the-point, effective etc.
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WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS

Britons: I'm sorry, sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.

Malaysians: No stock.

RETURNING A CALL

Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone call for me a few moments ago?

Malaysians: Hello, who call?
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ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY

Britons: Excuse me, I would like to get by. Would you please make way?

Malaysians: S-kew me.

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY

Britons: Hey! Put your wallet away, this drink is on me.

Malaysians: No need lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION

Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?

Malaysians: (pointing at the door) Can ah?

WHEN ENTERTAINING

Britons: Please make yourself right at home.

Malaysians: No need shy shy one lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE

Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.

Malaysians: Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER

Britons: I would prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.

Malaysians: Don't want lah.

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION

Britons: Err...Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.

Malaysians: You mad ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE

Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice? I'm trying to concentrate over here.

Malaysians: Shut up lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU

Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for sometime. Do I know you?

Malaysians: See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION

Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.

Malaysians: Die lah!!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED

Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?

Malaysians: What happened ah? Why like that one lah?

WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG

Britons: This isn't the way to do it. Here, let me show you.

Malaysians: Like that also don't know how to do!

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY

Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me?

Malaysians: Celaka you!

So which would you prefer?

(Courtesy of forwarded mail from Eileen Ho)

Note:  The blogger found that the manner or choice of words spoken by the above so-called Malaysians are largely referred to Malaysian Chinese.  This joke is also found in Malaysian veteran Opposition leader Lim Kit Siang’s blog posted on 30 June, 2007: http://blog.limkitsiang.com/2007/06/30/british-english-vs-malaysian-english/.