Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

FORMER VICE PRESIDENT AL GORE
I fight for the chickens and I am fighting for the chickens right now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them. I will fight with every ounce of my heart and soul for those chickens.

-Or- I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.

PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH, JR.
I don't believe we need to get the chickens across the road. I say give the road to the chickens and let them decide. The government needs to let go of strangling the chickens so they can get across the road. That's how we do it in West Texas. At least that's what my advisors tell me.

-Or- We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

SENATOR JOSEPH LIEBERMAN
I believe that every chicken has the right to worship his or her God in his or her own way. Crossing the road is a spiritual journey and no chicken should be denied the right to cross the road in his or her own way.

VICE PRESIDENT DICK CHENEY
Chickens are big-time because they have wings. They could fly if they wanted to. Chickens don't want to cross the road. They don't need help crossing the road. In fact, I'm not interested in crossing the road myself.

FORMER PRESIDENT BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by "chicken"? Could you define "chicken" please?

FORMER PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH
I don't think I should have to answer that question.

FORMER PRESIDENT RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

FORMER PRESIDENT RICHARD NIXON
The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road.

JOHN LENNON
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

BILL GATES
I have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it overcame a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of "crossing the road"

SADDAM HUSSEIN
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

L.A.P.D
Give us ten minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.

JOSEPH STALIN
I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was a historical dialectical proletariat inevitability.Translation: It was a historical inevitability.

BUDDHA
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.

VOLTAIRE
I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

JOHN LOCKE
Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.

ALBERT CAMUS
It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.

OLIVER STONE
The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road?" but is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

THE POPE
That is only for God to know.

GEORGE ORWELL
Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.

NIETZSCHE
Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

JEAN-PAUL SARTRE
In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.



EMILY DICKINSON
Because it could not stop for death.

O.J. SIMPSON
It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.

FOX MULDER
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it? The truth is out there.

SCULLY'S ANSWER
It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens.

SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

THE BIBLE
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

HEISENBERG
To get away from my cat... maybe.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain. Alone.

GRANDPA
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

COLONEL SANDERS
I missed one?

Now I personally think that the chicken crossed the road to prove to the possum it could be done.