Tuesday, June 30, 2009

笑話減壓

◎我跟貓說話你插什麼嘴 ~~


夫妻吵架後,丈夫知趣的去逗貓玩。
妻子吼道:「你跟那一頭豬在幹甚麼!」
丈夫驚奇道:「這是貓,不是豬呀!」
妻子一口接過:「我跟貓說話,你插什麼嘴?」
哇哩咧!

◎讓女人感動的三個字--


最讓女人感動的三個字,不是"我愛妳",而是~~~
當我們在逛街, 我目不轉睛的盯著櫥窗裡那所謂 "八心八箭" 的美鑽,她一把將我擁進懷裡,眼神堅定的看著我 , 緩緩說出~~~ 盡~量~刷~

◎ 晚飯--


老婆自從做家庭主婦後,精神鬱卒,脾氣很不爽。
有一天老公下班回來,看見老婆在炒菜!
老公從後面摟著老婆,溫柔的說:親愛的!今晚我們吃什麼?
老婆很兇的說:甲賽啦!
老公很洩氣得拿著報紙去坐馬桶....
老婆心想:老公上班也辛苦,剛才的態度真不該!
於是....就到浴室門口敲門說:老公!你在做什麼呀!
老公語氣粉冷的說..我在做晚飯!

◎ 罵人的藝術 --


街上一個女生正在罵男朋友:「你這個單細胞生物、爛浮游綠藻、兩棲爬蟲類、尖嘴猴腮、最差勁的男人!」
男友回答:「難道我都沒有優點嗎?」
女友:「你難道沒有發現,你一直在進化嗎?」

◎ 秤體重--


妻子站在秤上高興地對丈夫說: "親愛的,快來看我體重少了兩公斤."
"親愛的,那是因為妳還沒有化妝."


◎ 安全帽--


小白這天去換駕照,路經一個十字路口時,瞧見有位媽媽背著一個小孩,前面還載一個大一點的小孩,被條子攔下來…
條子說:「這位太太,你的小孩沒帶安全帽也就算了, 你怎麼自已也不戴?這樣說不過去哦。」
媽媽:「小朋友的這麼小買不到ㄇㄟ。」
條子:「但你自已應該要戴啊!」
媽媽:「我戴幹嘛?萬一我的孩子出了什麼事,我也不想活了!」
條子:「…… @_@ ……」
.

◎ 最大坨的 --

一日,母親和她的胖女兒談話....
胖女兒:媽!你為什麼把我生得那麼胖,害我都沒有人追!我看,我乾脆下海算了!
母:你要下海????那我看那些男人就要上岸了!
胖女兒:媽!你怎麼這麼說!!那.....我不要活了!我要自殺!我要把自己燒成灰,讓你永遠認不出我來!!!
母:哈!!我怎麼可能認不出你。只要找最大坨的灰就是啦!
.
◎ 班花選拔 --

某系正在選拔班花,恐龍級的彩萍正在發表參選政見: 「如果我當選班花,10年後妳們就可以跟老公說,我大學時比系上的班花還漂亮,娶到我是你賺到了。」
恐龍級的彩萍果真高票當選。

(Courtesy of a forwarded mail from C.K. Cheong)

Monday, June 29, 2009

Funny Equations

Equation 1:

Human = Eat + Sleep + Work + Enjoy
Donkey = Eat + Sleep

Therefore:
Human = Donkey + Work + Enjoy

Therefore:
Human-Enjoy = Donkey + Work

In other words,
A Human that doesn't know how to Enjoy = Donkey that Works.

----------------------------------------------------------------
Equation 2:

Man = Eat + Sleep + Earn Money
Donkey = Eat + Sleep

Therefore:
Man = Donkey + Earn Money

Therefore:
Man-Earn Money = Donkey

In other words,
Man who doesn't Earn Money = Donkey
-----------------------------------------

Equation 3:

Woman= Eat + Sleep + Spend
Donkey = Eat + Sleep

Therefore:
Woman = Donkey + Spend
Woman - Spend = Donkey

In other words,
Woman who doesn't Spend = Donkey
-------------------------------------
To Conclude:
From Equation 2 and Equation 3,

Man who doesn't Earn Money = Woman who doesn't Spend

So Man Earns Money not to let Woman become a Donkey!
And Woman Spends not to let the Man become a Donkey!

So, we have:
Man + Woman = Donkey + Earn Money + Donkey +
Spend Money

Therefore from postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude that:
Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together!

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Women as Explained by Engineers

To LADIES who chance to read this, please note that there is absolutely NO OFFENCE MEANT to the fairer sex. It is JUST FOR LAUGH............... (Courtesy of XciteFun.net)

Saturday, June 27, 2009

A Star Is Gone -- Remember M.J.


Michael Joseph Jackson (August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009) was an American recording artist and entertainer. The seventh child of the Jackson family, he made his debut onto the professional music scene at the age of 11 as a member of The Jackson 5 in 1969, and later began a solo career in 1971 while still a member of the group. Referred to as the "King of Pop" in subsequent years, his 1982 album Thriller remains the world's best-selling record of all time and four of his other solo studio albums are among the world's best-selling records: Off the Wall (1979), Bad (1987), Dangerous (1991) and HIStory (1995).

Jackson donated and raised millions of dollars for beneficial causes through his foundations, charity singles, and support of 39 charities. Other aspects of his personal life, including his often changing appearances and eccentric behavior, generated significant controversy which damaged his public image. Though he was accused of child sexual abuse in 1993, the criminal investigation was closed due to lack of evidence and Jackson was not charged. The singer had experienced health concerns since the early 1990s and conflicting reports regarding the state of his finances since the late 1990s.

One of the few artists to have been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame twice, his other achievements include multiple Guinness World Records—including one for "Most Successful Entertainer of All Time"—13 Grammy Awards, 13 number one singles in his solo career, and the sale of 750 million records worldwide. Jackson's highly publicized personal life, coupled with his successful career, made him a part of popular culture for almost four decades. Michael Jackson died on June 25, 2009, aged 50. The specific cause of death has yet to be determined. Before his death, Jackson had announced a 50-date sell-out “This Is It” comeback tour, in London, England.


In remembrance of Michael Jackson, let's take a trip down memory lane with these pics from the King of Pop's past. Young Michael burst on the scene at age of 11 as a member of the Jackson 5.

Michael (far left) and his brothers rocked some serious fros in the '70s as they dominated the Billboard charts with hit singles such as "ABC" and "I'll Be There."

By the time he was in his late teens, Michael was an international heartthrob and about to embark on one of the most successful solo music careers in history.

The early '80s brought MJ more fame and success, along with tamer hair and famous friends.




Brooke Shields accompanied Michael to the 53rd Academy Awards in 1981.

Michael's confidante and mentor, Quincy Jones, also produced his multi-platinum albums 1982's Thriller and 1987's Bad.

In addition to Macaulay Culkin and Corey Feldman, Jackson was pals with pint-sized "Webster" star, Emmanuel Lewis.



By the late '80s, Michael had undergone a drastic physical transformation and introduced one of his trademark accessories - the colored armband. For a decade of chart-toppers, Michael was given the Special Award of Achievement at the American Music Awards.

Michael and his fellow icon Madonna stole the spotlight at the 63rd Annual Academy Awards.

Michael's little sister, Janet, followed in her big bro's footsteps and became a superstar in her own right.

Michael and his wife at the time, Lisa Marie Presley, made headlines when they put on a public display of affection at the MTV Video Music Awards.


At the 1995 MTV VMAs, Michael was joined by Slash for a medley of "Billie Jean," "Beat It," "Don't Stop 'til You Get Enough," and "Black or White."
There's no doubt about it. Michael has influenced nearly every pop act that has emerged in the past 30 years, including 'N SYNC.


Not only was Michael an immensely talented singer, he was also one of the greatest dancer's to hit the stage. We're sure Britney Spears picked up some of her moves by watching his classic videos.

Michael proved he still had "it" at his 30th Anniversary Celebration in 2001 alongside longtime fan Chris Tucker.
One of the many performers to honor Michael at his 30th Anniversary was Usher, who many consider to be Jackson's modern-day equivalent.
Michael and his dear friend, Elizabeth Taylor, often accompanied one another to numerous charity events and star-studded soirees.
Michael got the Times Square crowd riled up when he released his final solo album Invincible, which included the Top 10 hit "You Rock My World."

The King of Pop and the Godfather of Soul revolutionized not only R&B but the entire music industry.
In its heyday, Jackson's 2,800 acre Neverland Valley Ranch featured a zoo, an arcade, and an amusement park with bumper cars, a Ferris wheel, a merry-go-round, and a roller coaster.

Michael's sisters, LaToya and Janet, supported him through thick and thin.
As did Michael's mom, Katherine, who was undoubtedly his biggest fan.

Despite a rocky relationship, Michael and his father, Joe Jackson, remained relatively close.

In addition to his 13 Grammy wins, Jackson received 15 World Music Awards, more than any other male artist.

Michael was planning to return to the stage this summer with a series of concerts at London's O2 Arena.

The world will miss you, Michael. Rest in peace.












(Courtesy of XciteFun.net)

I have posted a message in my FACEBOOK on June 26 that says, "Laments the death of the legendary "King of Pop" M J. The songs that I like most include: Ben, I'll be there (first heard when I was young), Billie Jean, Thriller (when I was in my late twenties) and many more. Who on Earth who listens to the English songs hasn't listened to his songs? Yeah, may he r.i.p.!"

To this my eldest niece Jer Shyn from Melbourne, Australia, responded: "It is so sad.. even we all grew up with him. (Dad enjoyed listening to him a lot.. so we loved listening to him) So so sad!!"

My reply was: "You are right, Jer. It's really sad. But then, who never dies? All human beings eventually die one day anyway. It is important to make an impact on the world, the society and the people around us when we are alive, or do good simply said. If one is remembered by people after one is gone, it is a worthy life.
.
I am also touched by my scholarly Brazilian netpal Gideão Silveira Cravo who quoted American educator and poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 – 1882) in my Facebook: "Tell me not, in mournful numbers, Life is but an empty dream! For the soul is dead that slumbers, and things are not what they seem. Life is real! Life is earnest! And the grave is not its goal; Dust thou art; to dust returnest, Was not spoken of the soul.”

Let me conclude with a quotation from the Scottish poet Thomas Campbell (1777-1844) that says, " To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die".

Though the star is gone now, but his music lives on forever. Don't you agree?

Flag Counter